#Metoo

#Metoo is a synonym to fear beyond what most people think.

When looking at the early days according to history books, women were needed for breeding and rearing children. The family needed workers to maintain the land or to continue the father’s trade. It was a matter of survival. The man, who needed strong and healthy workers, would choose a woman, just like a breeder chooses a mare to be crossed with a precious stallion, to perpetuate the beauty, strength, and stamina carried in the genes.

In our DNA we carry our biological genes; however, we also carry our accepted believes coming from our ancestors. So, many men today come with a desperate need to propagate their genes and to continue the line. Carrying the family name and the desired respect from society is still a real need for many fathers today. So, men are, in a sense, afraid that they will not be man enough. Fear brings about irrational behaviors. That’s why chastity belts, burkas, hijabs, abayas, niqabs, and laws limiting women have existed or still exist today in some parts of the world. That is why in some societies punishment to women who do not want to have sex is still accepted.

Women, on the other hand, also bring with them not only their biological DNA from their ancestors, but their accepted belief-system from an oppressed culture. If you are born in one of those countries which accepts those ways of thinking, it is probably very difficult to rebel against them. There have been examples of women leaders who have fought for their right to be allowed in temples when they are of menstruating age because they are believed to be impure as the law states. There are women who also fight for their right to be educated in schools, or for the right to be treated with dignity if their husband dies. These women are breaking their bonds with the beliefs of their ancestors because times have changed. Societies do not require women just for breeding workers, or to be shown off as an ornament.

In a culture like the United States, it should be clearer that the role of women has evolved. I believe sometimes we go overboard with the feminist view in search for a way out of men’s control. Sometimes the pendulum must swing all the way to come back to the center. The old belief systems no longer serve us, but it is hard to get rid of them. Many men continue to have the belief that if they do not have sex they will not live upto the expectation of themselves or society. Women’s fear and accepted belief-system also puts them at risk of being overpowered because if they believe that they are not more than property, and allow fear to have the upper hand, they will attract and accept this type of behavior even when they have the option to say “no.” In many occasions, we have the choice to speak-up, quit, or run, but we do not see the option because it is clouded by our belief that we can’t. 

I invite you to revisit your belief-system. Reinvent yourself!

The Magic of Gratitude

Little Girl Laying on Grass

A 12-year-old girl and I were reading a passage about a major earthquake that happened in California a while back, and how Japanese students came to show their support to the victims. I asked her what the victims could do to thank them, and she said just say “thank you” because they don’t have anything to give. This answer is not right or wrong, but incomplete. There is magic in the word “thank you” when offered sincerely, there is no doubt about that. The word affirms what is good in your life, and it shows respect for others.

However, I believe that gratitude goes beyond saying, “thank you.” Gratitude is a sincere feeling which recognizes the value of the act of giving, and the abundance available to us all the time. Waking up and being in a state of gratitude during the day as much as possible allows you to see the goodness surrounding your life, and there is always goodness. You may have at least four senses functioning, you may have a bed to sleep on, you may have a body that supports you and takes you places, you may be able to see the sky and its magnificence, you may picture your family and friends and be grateful for them, or you may get caught in traffic and say, “the universe must be protecting me or teaching me something.” I don’t know if you remember some of the people that did not die on 9/11 but could have been working at that moment. One was getting donuts, one overslept, one went to get a haircut, one missed the train, and another one had to switch to a later flight. You never know, until you look back, that what you are going through is exactly what you should be going through.

An attitude of gratitude strengthens relationships, improves your health, helps you attract more of the same, invites others to say thank you, and keeps you in the present moment. The benefits of continuous gratitude are endless. If you need help being in a state of gratitude, here are some tips. First, have a reminder on your night table to say thank you for your day in advance. Second, keep a jar where you place pieces of paper with all the good things you are thankful for each day to be read at the end of the year. Finally, every time something “bad” happens, wonder how the universe is rearranging your world to protect you or to improve your life and move you forward. That’s it! All you need to do is to start being thankful.

So, we go back to why I believe the girl’s answer is incomplete. When we are sincerely grateful, the feeling comes from deep inside of us, and one word sometimes is not enough to express it. The earthquake victims actually wrote a letter to them, and also gave hugs, even though it’s not the custom in Japan, they understood. In our case, we can teach our children to be grateful, draw pictures for others, offer a big smile,  write a poem, give flowers, bake cookies, or do something else that would require our time to make. Gratitude is a magical state of being.

Be well!